Static

I’ve had terrible tinnitus for years.  (If only I go could talk to teenage Rayn and recommend earplugs for all those evenings at the dance club.  Eh, I wouldn’t have listened anyways…) The ringing is ever present, but I’ve gotten really good at ignoring it.  In fact, I don’t even notice it anymore unless I’m in the rare, completely quiet space.  I just decided that it’s not something that I can change, so I didn’t want waste any brain space worrying about it.

So, to recap, I was able to make a conscious decision to not give any of my life energy away to a situation that I could not change.  (Yep, this is foreshadowing!)

I’ve been embroiled in the process of getting health insurance through the government Marketplace.  It’s been a real struggle to figure out the process, and I’ve been stymied at almost every step along the way.  (Current hurdle: prove US citizenship.  Sent in a copy of my passport.)  The past week, I had one day that just started to make me crazy, when I just couldn’t figure something out about the process.  I got more and more mad, and finally threw up my hands because I had to get to work.

Several co-workers who couldn’t come to my ice cream sendoff wanted to know all about it….did I really eat 2 sundaes (no!), was it a good turnout? (yes!), and did I have a good time (extremely!).  But in that moment, after being in the midst of such a tussle about health care….I couldn’t think about anything else.  I couldn’t even focus on their questions and think about all the fun I had had just a few days before, because I was so, so, so very into being angry about my healthcare situation.

When I finally came down a bit from that anger, I was able to see that the sensation was just the emotional version of my ear issue: it was just a form of static.  I could have acknowledged my frustration, and then let it go, but I let it take over my whole body for a time.  And then I realized that if I could make a conscious decision to ignore static in one part of my life, I have the ability to make that decision in *any* part of my life.  I have a choice to let static be a minute part of my experience, or to let it loom large.

The health care issue is just one example of static that I’m noticing now, but the idea can be applied repeatedly, and daily.  Is an issue something that I should really pay attention to, allow to derail me, get angry about…..or just something to notice, quickly deal with, and largely forget?  I’m going to do my best to choose the action that makes me feel happy, and ignore the static.

 

 

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One thought on “Static

  1. Rayn, reading a bio of Barbra Streisand…she had tinnitus, too, and singing helped her to tune it out. Fascinating – you are in good company.

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