It’s easy to be heavy and so hard to be light

As I prepare for a life out on the road, I have to keep fighting the demons that tell me “No”.  I hear them talking to me about all sorts of topics, and their favorite taunt is that I will fail.  They tell me that I won’t be able to save up much money to start out on the trip, that I won’t find a job while I’m out there, and that I won’t be able to make a go of it at all.  They tell me I’m crazy to consider such an un-orthodox life, and why would I leave a job with health insurance?!  They are generally very annoying.

So, when I hear those words, I try to remember the adage that is so true: It’s easy to be heavy and so hard to be light.  Or, in the words of J.D. Salinger, “Why are you breaking down, incidentally? I mean if you’re able to go into a collapse with all your might, why can’t you use the same energy to stay well and busy?”   Why is it so difficult to focus on the good and the positives and why do we get stuck in the negatives?

I definitely notice a rhythm to my thoughts on this, a roller coaster that swings me from “I can’t” to “I can”.  It has seasonal components (winter blahs vs. summer’s light), daily components (energized mornings vs. tired evenings) and as much as I hate to notice, a weekly component.

The weekly part makes me cringe, because I think I may have discovered the culprit, and I don’t want to acknowledge it: a solid dose of sugar on the weekends.  While I eat sugar-free all week long, we adore our weekly ritual of a giant ice cream sundae.  Sometimes we whip out the ice cream maker at home, and sometime we go out to an ice cream parlour, but we always have it.  And then, without fail, I feel a bit cranky for the next day or two, and by mid-week, I’m going good again.  At the moment, I’m just going to put that in the Scarlett O’Hara box of “think about that tomorrow”.  But also think about how poignant I found the idea of “The things that we do to avoid pain, cause us pain”.  Ouch.

I’m also going to do my best to look into the light, because it’s my party, and I’d rather roll that way.  Here’s a musical reminder, because I was listening to the Rent soundtrack this week.



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